Breaking up is never an easy thing to do. Much like a Brazilian wax for the first time it’s painful and uncomfortable. Add a couple mutual friends in the mix and you could experience a natural disaster. There is a civil way to manage your mutual relationships and still keep your ex where they belong behind you. The key to maintaining your mutual friends is proper boundaries and exceptional break up etiquette. If you can’t figure that out we’re here to help.
The first step to managing friendships after a break up is not issuing an ultimatum to your friends. Allow them to make a choice. By forcing them into a decision it will only set them up for failure or betrayal in your eyes because it isn’t a self decision. Keep in mind that if your friends are good friends they will never do anything to intentionally hurt you or allow anyone else to do the same. With this being said they should be able to honor your friendship while still remaining friends with an ex in the most amicable way possible.
Next remember that your issues with your ex aren’t their issues. Don’t use each gathering between you two as an opportunity to vent. If they are still friends with your ex it will make them uncomfortable, and shortly there after they won’t want to spend as much time with you. No one enjoys a joy kill. Vent to people who aren’t so close to your ex because they will give you unbiased advice which is better any how. Be mindful that if you resent your breakup you will want everyone to support in how you feel,but give your friends the space to be just your friends without your break up being the main event at every get together.
Lastly revolve your friendships around being friends not around your past relationship. This is very important. Depending on how your friendship was formed the key essential to having a great friendship is having fun together. Keep your friendship at the fore front and not your ex. Try to focus on ways to take your mind off of your ex by doing new things with your friends. Doing the old same things may bring up memories of your ex and that will turn to a vent session that is totally unnecessary. While it may seem impossible to keep the same circle of friends it is. The defining factor is you being content and happy in your break up. If you are mature enough to close that one door it will make it much easier to open others.
Good friends are hard to come by, so before you totally eliminate your friends post ex remember one of the most beautiful qualities of true friendship is to understand and to be understood. Listen, respect and most importantly cherish those close to you!
From the heart of Ebony S. Garris