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When Plan A Isn’t Enough: Why So Many Women Have a Back Up Plan

Out of a recent study polling 2000 women 43 percent admitted to having a backup man in case their current relationship flops. Out of that 43 percent 15 percent admitted that their feelings for the back up man were stronger than those for their current boyfriend. Have women become immune to love? Have we traded in our feelings for an all purpose agreement with our men?

When I first heard about the backup theory I thought it was practical. My initial feeling was that women had really stepped their game up. Long gone were the days of settling and putting all your eggs in one basket. I begin to dissect the evolution of our presence in the corporate world and how we truly have become more self sufficient. Is it safe to assume that because women carry on so much responsibility it is hard for them to find one man who can compliment them? I mean think about it, if you have a great man with an amazing personality but he lacks in the bedroom eventually you’ll find another person to fill that void but maybe the other man is only good at that. So you use both men to create your all purpose man.

Then there is the theory that a woman has a “backup plan” because she isn’t confident in her current relationship and feels that it could fail. She doesn’t want to devote all her time into one man who won’t work out and then she’s left empty handed with much wasted time. It’s happened all too often. Are our backup plans there because we don’t believe in true love or are they there because we are afraid to love? I couldn’t answer the question. Much like the 43 percentile I had a back up plan and a plan to that back up after a serious relationship flopped one too many times.

After each break up I told myself I wouldn’t be left high and dry to find a less than better rebound guy. I would plan ahead! I feel that backup plans do just that. They allow a woman to set herself up for a break up without heartbreak, and let’s face it thats what every woman wants. We are all afraid of getting hurt and not being able to bounce back. So what we do is set up a love with boundaries. A backup plan is another wall for us to love with limitations. Backup plans are safe and a fool proof way to not get hurt but they don’t do much for finding true love. 

In essence your backup plan is more of a diversion to keep your current relationship from moving forward. Out of that study 50 percent of the 2000 women said their current partner was aware of the backup man. If your mate is aware that you aren’t giving one hundred percent of yourself then why should they? As women why is it hard for us to trust in our decisions. Why is it difficult for us to not be in control of each and every outcome in our life? The theory that women utilize backup men proved that as women we have gained independence but lost our emotional freedom in the wave of femininity. The best back up is to take your time when making decisions and be confident in those decisions even when they aren’t playing out how you imagined.

The best life experience comes from moments when it rained and you didn’t have an umbrella but found a way to dance in the downpour! Love fearless ladies or not at all!

From the heart of Ebony S. Garris