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Long Distance Love: Making it Work

I can remember it like it was yesterday the then “Love of My Life” was headed to a new state to start his new job. I still had a year left until my collegiate career was completed and we had a tough decision to make. I slammed down the ultimatum, making him feel it was impossible to have a long distance relationship, he argued me down and said he would visit every weekend. He kept up his end of the deal and our relationship lasted through the rough long distance patch. What happened in the midst of all of the sacrificing though was a lot of resentment. Although my long distance relationship was a bust there is a study which shows long distance relationships are healthier than those that aren’t. Why is that?

It’s simple distance between two lovers equal burning hearts. The more space that each party has to them self the more they start to miss their companion. The research provided by the Huffington Post argues that couples who live apart have more meaningful interactions and intimacy than couples who have daily interactions. I must agree. There is something about reconnecting with a man that you haven’t seen in a while as oppose to one you see everyday that gets on your last nerve. When you’re reunited with someone you’ve been sacrificing for and waiting for you seem to forget about all the minuscule things that you would normally bitch over. You find yourself enjoying their company and making the most of your time together because you know it may be a while before you experience this connection again.
My long distance relationship woes continue as I find myself in another LDR. My current three year relationship with someone who isn’t here has lasted pretty well I must say. What I did learn from my previous “LDR” is that you can’t allow for the distance to limit your relationship depth. Instead of approaching the D word negatively look at it positively. This distance will give you both more opportunities to be creative. The one thing me and my boyfriend do is write. Even though we maintain conversation on a daily basis we write one another a letter of encouragement, appreciation and romance to keep the connection alive. If you are in an “LDR” try writing a fantasy letter and keep it open ended so that your guy can finish it off and send it back to you.

Beware of the loneliness factor, she can be a major bitch ladies! The loneliness factor is when a person will second guess their relationship when they’re apart and often feel lonely. Whip that bitch into shape fast because she will ruin your relationship. Trade in your lonely thoughts for great phone or cam sex. I know it sounds a bit ratchet but trust me it’s anything but, and once you take the lead your guy will be pleased. Not only does it bring intimacy back into the picture it helps to confirm that you will be on his mind all day at work! Trust me it works and can be a bit addictive (don’t judge me).

Lastly ladies it takes team work and communication. There are going to be moments where your trust is tested,there will be moments where you feel you made a mistake in signing up for a “LDR”. All those negative thoughts should come and GO! Don’t allow them to rent space, because once they do you’ll be searching for ways to fill the vacancy and we all know how that’s going to end up. Don’t settle for a “daily interaction” hold out for the big prize it will be worth it. In matters of the heart you can never settle. 

As my “LDR” is coming to a close in February I reflect back on how much growth we’ve seen and I’m thankful that out of everyone I could’ve experienced this journey with God placed me in the hands of such an amazing man. The fruits of my labor have yet to be shown but I will keep you ladies posted! 

From the heart of Ebony S. Garris

For more extensive tips on how to maintain your LDR email me