Is Bad the New Good?
I can remember it like it was yesterday, my first major heartbreak. It didn’t come from a known womanizer or your typical ladies man. It came from the sweetest guy you could ever meet he respected his mother and talked about women in high regards. I thought he was the best discovery since I learned how to use a tampon. It wasn’t until a close friend of mine revealed over dinner that he had secretly been courting after a close friend of hers in my absence that reality hit me. Good guys aren’t always “good guys”. In most cases good guys know that they are good guys,and because they feel they are so hard to come by it’s easy for them to think that ladies won’t let them go no matter what they do.
For the sake of this article I’ll call my good guy “Mr. September”. “Mr September” did everything right as a boyfriend and I thought I did everything right as a girlfriend we were in my mind the perfect match. I thought we complemented one another and that we were going to be married. Somewhere along the line after I accepted the cheating and forgave him I realized I did so because I thought I couldn’t find anyone better than him. WRONG!
A little after his cheating surfaced and I forgave him we had some great intensity in our relationship, a spark that I so often forgot could live there. Unfortunately months after the inevitable “forgive me baby” wore off so did that spark. I found myself looking for it. The spontaneity, the throw you on the counter and take you type of spark, that rents space in your mind all day. It dawned on me that although we complimented each other we were too comfortable in our compatibility, making it virtualy impossible for our sexual compatibility to live in our relationship. Hence his sudden reason to look elsewhere as did I.
I began to cheat, and I cheated with what some would consider a bad guy. For the sake of this article we’ll call the bad guy “Mr Wrong”. Well Mr Wrong did everything right. He taught me how to let my hair down, how to arch my back and ultimately how to “fuck” instead of just having sex. It wasn’t just sex though, Mr Wrong taught me how to not live life with so much structure, he also pampered me instead of the other way around.
You see the difference between Mr. September and Mr.Wrong wasn’t who could put it down better in the bedroom. The difference was that Mr. September felt I should be privileged to be with him and Mr Wrong felt privileged just to be with me. Instead of feeling like I always had to cater to keep Mr. September I felt at ease with Mr Wrong who felt it was his job to show me why I was appreciated.
You see, “bad boys” are really “Good Men” in training. They might not have acquired the status or stability of a “good guy” but they are willing to keep you happy no matter what the cost. They know a good thing when they’ve got it because they aren’t surrounded by good women every day. They’re willing to appreciate your mere existence because it is a rarity to them. They feel the need to surprise you at lunch because they want to check in on you and make sure you’re ok, they want to make sure that there is no other man vying for their position.
I often find that good guys finish last because more times than many they settle. Mr September was a great catch for someone else but because I required more out of life than a stable job and a date night every week he wasn’t a match for me. When we went our separate ways he ended up with someone who was a comfortable match but very little spark there. How do I know that? It’s all in the eyes. A couple years after our break up we met up and the look in his eyes told me that he still lacked at home what he wishes he could’ve had with me. Not even the mere mention of his new companion. Me on the other hand, I couldn’t wait to get back to Mr Wrong and there was nothing Mr September could say or do to make me look at him in that way.
The reason a good girl wants a “Mr Wrong” is because that wrong gets everything right. He knows what you want before you even say it. He’s the guy who takes notice to the new undies you wore just for him. The true essence of a good girl falling for a bad boy is the mere fact that whats considered bad for you might be good to you. A good guy will continue to finish last because he doesn’t give a woman the thrill or delight at putting him first! In the new boundless rules of love bad is simply the new good!
From the heart of Ebony S. Garris