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Breaking Up and Letting Go

Break up is defined in the dictionary as a cease to exist as a unified whole. Is it safe to assume that some of us break up before actually breaking up? When we come together with a companion we often times find that the person who we were with isn’t actually the person you’ve come to know. It often poses the question of wether or not you can deal with that new person or if you should cease your union. At what point in time does a break up become official to the other person in the relationship?

Relationships require a great deal of compromising and sacrificing. In most cases it is always one mate who does more of the two than the other. With that in mind, is it true to say that the person who is putting forth more effort always comes up short? If true , it then might be safe to assume that coming up short would allow for that person to feel unfulfilled as a unified whole way before the other person. If you aren’t in a collaborative relationship were both people contribute efforts to the betterment of your union, then in part wouldn’t you be broken?

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Quite frankly most people who feel unfulfilled in a relationship are broken apart from their mate to begin with. The bigger question is when does that person make the break up official? What triggers you to completely cut a person off? Infidelity? A pet peeve that you’ve dealt with for way to long? Or lack of ambition that you can no longer overlook? The list in part could be endless if we opened the forum to ask. All break ups occur for different reasons. The only common denominator I’ve found to be true is that the reasons for break up’s are things a mate compromises with for a long time. Thus making my theory that most people break up with their mate long before they tell them it’s officially over very accurate.

I had a friend who committed over 6 years of her life to a man. This man loved her to an extent but the two had clearly grown apart. I asked her why they still remained together and she said “because it’s harder to break up than stay together.” The two had businesses together, split household bills and occasionally had intimate moments. They both had side pieces which they assumed neither one knew about although all the signs were there. It wasn’t until two years later when said friend got the news of her boyfriend having a baby that she said “it’s harder to stay together.” 

Ultimately break ups are never easy to do ,especially when neither one of us wants to be the first to say goodbye. The reality is that it is very unhealthy for you to stay somewhere you aren’t happy. Breaking up is a clear indication of you being able to sacrifice your needs over your wants. Its an awakening moment where you find the grown up in you that says I NEED more from a relationship. Be that person who feels the broken aspect of your relationship and makes it official in the same moment. Don’t be fearful of the unknown. Listen to your heart. Sometimes it takes a major heartbreak to awaken your mind and show you everything that you didn’t see yourself settling for in the past. Remember that to say “I love you, but….” is to say, “I did not love you at all”.

Keep the “but’s where they belong ladies, behind you! 

From the heart of Ebony S. Garris