As women’s roles evolve and change, we often feel that mens are too. Ever so often there is a pause in that evolution and a trade between the sexes. It is what one may call the Croix de Guerre or in layman terms “Cross of War”. When a woman reaches a level of financial security she in turn will find that her relationship is unsecured. Have you found that anytime you advance in a life goal your personal life takes a nosedive? Yes. Have you also found that while you are happy financially you are so empty elsewhere? Yes again. When the roles between men and women reverse it causes a imbalance which leads to unmeasurable tension and resentment. A cross of war between woman and man.
I was led to this topic after seeing a couple argue in a restaurant over who would pay the tab. As I re-uped my ear hustling I heard him say that she always thought he couldn’t afford anything. She responded that she was only trying to help. They left and from that moment on I couldn’t seem to get the scene out of my head. Why do men feel so out of place at the thought of a woman being a bread winner? Feeling emasculated by someone is no easy pill to swallow but ever so often women have swallowed the pill whole with no chaser and no complaining. Why is it so hard for a man to do the same? I thought back to the couple, why was it so hard for the man to accept his girlfriend’s gesture as an act of kindness rather than an act of pity?
Simple, a man is trained to be a provider. His sole happiness in a relationship comes from knowing you need him and want him there. In that moment at the restaurant it dawned on me that it wasn’t the fact that she offered to pay, it wasn’t even the way she said “I got it” it was the fact that she didn’t allow him the space to try and pick up the tab before she did. In that moment she sent her man a silent message that she didn’t believe he was capable of taking care of her. As women we are trained to bend. We bend to circumstance, we bend to please and often times we bend our happiness to make sure others remain happy. It is the bend that gets us all into trouble. At the restaurant the woman wanted to help ease any tension her guy may feel from having to pay for something she knew he couldn’t afford. That wasn’t her place.
It is important to stay in the lines of your role. Don’t apologize for your success because you worked hard for it but don’t become overly drunk with power that you mistake your place. Your man is there for a reason let him ride his lane. I wonder if the man at the restaurant picked that place, or was it the woman’s idea. Did she think about how he would feel dining at a place he couldn’t afford before she decided to go there? Let your man make the choices, no matter how much you know it isn’t the right decision let him go for it, and be a supporting safety net when things may not go right. It is the support that he’s looking for. Don’t be afraid to buy the thousand dollar shoes in front of him, but let him chose which pair he wants to see you in. It is the need for his approval and the want for his opinion that he is looking for. And that ladies, that is your place.
While the Croix de Guerre may be a Cross of War, the Creme de la Creme is finding the balancing act between your net worth and your self worth. In order to feel complete in your life you’ll need companionship. Your human nature calls for you to feel love and give love. So while it’s not a disadvantage to receive riches in life remember the best things in life don’t always require for you to pick up the tab!
From the heart of Ebony S. Garris